The most interesting thing I can tell you about this song is that, one time, Grieves was doing a show in Upstate New York and, as a longtime fan, I wasn’t about to miss it. Most artists are late for their own sets or hide backstage until the last possible moment. Not Grieves. I walked into Upstate Concert Hall and he was literally the first person I saw, hanging out in front of his own merch table. I shook his hand, told him Irreversible changed my life and bought every one of his albums I didn’t already have physical copies of.
After his set I approached him and asked if I could spit a verse. I wasn’t looking for anything, not even feedback. I just wanted to share my flavor of hip-hop with someone who I felt would understand it. When I first heard Irreversible, his language was like a polished version of what I was always trying to write. He conveys emotion in his lyrics like a play-by-play of the internal struggle. It was music for those of us whose brains won’t allow us to get out there and succeed. Hell, it was a soundtrack for me. So when he agreed to listen I wanted to give him something I thought he’d appreciate. I spit the second verse of “Lost in my Depression” which, at that point, hadn’t even been recorded yet. He said he loved how I bounced between “easy” and “hard” and thanked me for “not sucking.” Folks, one of my hip-hop idols told me I don’t suck.
Overview
This is the third song in a row where the beat came from the original pack Rawhide sent me home with back in 2012. The filename he gave it was “Boi 1-Da Type” which is an accurate description. Grieves actually asked me what kind of beat I had in mind for the song and when I told him it was Boi 1-Da sounding it definitely sparked his curiosity.
Everyone’s Best
Somehow my vocal delivery on this song ended up flawless. I did very few takes and my voice maintained a consistent volume. Dan didn’t even need to EQ the vocals.
I knew the hook could only be done justice with female vocals which was a route I had only explored before once, and that was ten years ago. A few singers were considered, but Shayna was always the frontrunner. She had the most experience and her goth rock style from her Zombie Bomb days was a perfect match for the words I’d written. Likewise, she was a former coworker and this album is dedicated to the 9 – 5, after all. She dropped by one weekend and crushed it in only a few takes. The whispering at the beginning of the track was her idea as well. Despite the fact that the lyrics were my bastard brainchild, this song may have had the most collaborative input than any other track on the album when you consider the contributions between Shayna, Dan, Rawhide and I.
Commentary
Sick of havin’ to ask for extra shifts
Cuz the rate they pay is next to shit
This album is about the 9 – 5 life; not a specific 9 – 5. This piece and a lot of the third verse of “Rush Hour” were inspired by a job at a chain of convenient stores I had from 2010 – 2011. The same one that inspired “2 Angry White Boyz” on Whiteout!
Sick of havin’ to eat for cheap
Sick of needing to wait for bird cheeps to sleep
The working title for this song was “Sick” – but that title only really fit the first verse.
Every evening, threatening to leave me, slamming doors
A little foreshadowing to the evening section of the album. “Perfect for Me” in particular.
Clouds of gray blemishing heaven
A shroud of haze is the deadliest weapon
No motivation to wake so I slept in
And I’ll waste the day – lost in my depression
These were the original lyrics to the chorus. Shayna took a couple of creative liberties with it, for the better, or course. She changed “slept” to “sleep” and changed “And I’ll I waste the day” to “I’ll waste another day again.” There’s actually a version of the song with me doing the original chorus as guide vocals and as long as my level of fame remains too-pathetic-to-hack you will never hear it.
My heart was taken and then my heart was shaken
And then my heart was achin’ and now my heart is breakin’
It was 100% Dan’s idea to have this repeat at the end of the song with the vocal effects and I totally like it. However, I realized very recently this is something Hollywood Undead does on “My Black Dahlia” and it’s making me self-conscious. When you see me, please remind me I’m not a shitty crunkcore act.
Just when you think you perfect it
You ain’t even hit the depression step it’s a pathetic mess
There are two places in the song where I rap in double time. This wasn’t because I am a bad writer who can’t keep track of his syllables. It’s because I wanted to put words to midday depression both in context and in style. Part of depression is having racing thoughts. With sadness comes intermittent panic, and certain lines warranted a sense of urgency that is derived from panic. Andrea, the cover designer, picked up on that when we were previewing tracks which is among the reasons she consistently captures still and video visuals that represent my music so perfectly.
Thumb brushes the touch screen, a hunt for supporters
Then I call no one and give up to disorder
These final lines went through so many revisions. I kept trying to work in some imagery of running a finger against the buttons on a phone. Once it dawned on me what a dated practice that is, probably right around the time I got my first smartphone, I found a way to complete the verse.