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Role in the Album Concept

Every song on the album represents an element of my world falling apart. This one should be no surprise: it’s self esteem.

Production

9 of the 10 songs on Alternate Ending were “produced” by me. I put “produced” in quotes because my form of production is mixing and matching loops. Since this album is a sequel, I wanted to create a few songs in the same manner. Since I had pretty much tapped out Hip-Hop eJay 2, 5 & 6, I visited their website to see if they had any new products. The owners of the eJay brand have changed since I last used their software, but some of the programs were available as part of a legacy collection, including Hip Hop eJay 4. I downloaded it, struggled to get it installed on a modern computer, but eventually worked my way in. I went through all the pre-made loops and set anything aside that I thought I could make a song with. The beat for “I Suck” ended up being the first one I put together. The concept for the song was already in my head and when I heard the didgeridoo (yes, I had to use spell check on that), it fit the tone perfectly.

To Guests or Not to Guests

A decision that I had to make with this project was whether or not to include any guests at all. Alternate Ending remains my only album without a single guest feature. I chose to let the songs decide. I don’t write a couple of verses and then think “oh, so and so would sound good on this too.” I know when a concept hits me that another voice will be needed to enhance it. This song was no exception to that statement. So I reached deep in my Rolodex of dream collaborators and contacted The Rawhide Kid, who was surprisingly willing to work with me! Originally I had the song as three 16 bar verses, but Rawhide said he would rather have a 32 bar verse, so I combined mine and put it at the front of the song. Then he said he wanted the first verse, so I moved mine, because Rawhide is the guest and I am a good host.

Callbacks to Alternate Ending

“Hopeless, still cold and coatless” is a reference to a line from the Alternate Ending song “I Love When.” The lyric in that song is “It’s cold, I’m coatless, I smell like goat piss.” Very poetic, I know. Also the last line of my verse “Upgraded the hoopty but still lost in my depression” is a reference to the Alternate Ending song “Hoopty” and the Fear of Success song “Lost in my Depression.”

Some other lyrics of note

“Pokémon I caught all 807 but when I take a step back that’s hella fuckin’ pathetic”
The original line here was “Pokémon I caught all 719 but 200 Yo Kai is a fuckin’ pipe dream” but then this song took so long to come out they released a whole new generation of Pokémon. Actually, the song is now inaccurate again because they just added a bunch more for Generation 8 two weeks ago. But whatever, I’m not redoing the song again because I suck.

“Can it be the reason my damn mother abandoned me?”
I mentioned this on a few songs, most notably “PTSD.” When I was 11, I went and stayed with my aunt for a week and when I came home no one knew where my mother was. She had gone (further) upstate to get clean. For the record, she and I have made progress with our relationship and are under speaking terms.

“Grandmother is scared of me with severity”
This is a heavily exaggerated line. Like every grandmother, I got the “you could call more often” speech. When I said “you could call me too” I got “I don’t want to bother you.” Honestly, there is nothing more to this line.

Rawhide Report

This is the type of humor I’m here for. I feel like our fans will find this song hilarious, and people who don’t get our dark, hyper self-deprecating type humor will find this song to be either stupid, mopey, or uncomfortable; which makes it all the more funny to me. So fuck everyone who doesn’t think this is funny. I always feel weird reviewing songs that I’m featured on so I’ll keep this one short. It felt really fun to be rapping over a Rootbeer beat again and I really enjoyed the throwback mentality of it. This has that classic R & R mentality and energy to it and I think it could have easily fit right in on Whiteout! 2.